You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
