My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
