On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
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