I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
no, he came in my armpit
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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