I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
