i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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