My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize