ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
