I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
