so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize