i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
