found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
