Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
