my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
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