His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
send nudes
from the living room?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
