I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
