TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
