Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
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