so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
