You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
