i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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