Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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