you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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