does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
