I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
