I love black thongs
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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