i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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