So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
