Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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