Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Please don't give away my fajitas
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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