even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
