No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
