he wants to bone in the snuggie
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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