At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
