Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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