it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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