I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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