Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
