Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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