There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
