SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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