i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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