I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
sarcasm needs its own font
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
