wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize