I'm gonna have a badass scar
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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