And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
