she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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