Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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