Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
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