that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
