I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
