just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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