I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
