we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
is that a dick in a sweater?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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