all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
