she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
He kissed a someone with a penis
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
oh god was she eating orange peels again
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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