this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
