I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
