It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
