I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
