I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize