she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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