you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
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