i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
