so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
