we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
