My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
