someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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