I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
sarcasm needs its own font
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
