I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
