How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
