The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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