I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
