But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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