shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
