I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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