I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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