Porn is love you can see.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
