I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
