the new term for farting is butt boxing.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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