You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
