Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
