you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
